Power Couple

GAL (15) shivers. She’s buried in a puffy hat, a puffier scarf, and the puffiest parka ever knit. Still, she shivers. She glares at the SNOW falling outside her train car.

HAPPY CHATTY CITIZENS surround her, ignoring her and what she carries: A HUGE WEIRD MACHINE, full of dials and switches. Its 8-BIT LCD SCREEN reads: “DAYS UNTIL SUMMER: 181”.

Ooo, what’s that?

Gal’s glare drifts to HAPPY CHATTY GIRL (15) and her pack of FRIENDS, all peering over her machine.

Is it a computer or a volcano?

Gal’s eyes narrow. Are they making fun of her or just happy chatty? She drops the glare, gives them a chance.

It’s a--

AN EXPLOSION RIPS OFF THE TRAIN’S ROOF. THE STEAM PUNK (30s), archetypal supervillain, flies in on a steam-powered jetpack.

I am The Steam Punk! And this train is a gas-powered abomination! I will destroy all machines that abandoned the best fuel of all: steam!

Everyone cowers. But while The Steam Punk monologues, someone pulls a LEVER labelled: “PULL IN CASE OF SUPERVILLAIN”.

In the train conductor’s cab, a “SUPERVILLAIN ALARM” flashes. The cab opens to reveal SUPERCONDUCTOR (30s), archetypal superheroine with a cape, conductor’s cap and electric powers.

No ticket, no ride!

Get steamed!

She ELECTRO-PUNCHES him off the train and FLIES out after him. The train continues on. Everyone resumes happily chatting like nothing happened. It’s just another day in Alektro City.

Gal looks for the Happy Chatty Girls. They’re at the window, admiring Superconductor fighting circles around Steam Punk. Snow falls thru the open roof. Gal sinks into her parka.

TIME-LAPSE: Citizens filter out. Gal is alone when the train reaches its last stop in the countryside, far from the city.

Last stop!

Gal trudges uphill in deep snow, lugging her big machine.

She unloads it on the hilltop, knocking a pinned BLUE RIBBON off the chassis, to the snow below. Catching her breath, she glares at the fallen ribbon’s text:

“ALEKTRO CITY SCIENCE FAIR, LAST PLACE”.

The ribbon hangs on the CLIPBOARD of SNOBBY MALE TEACHER (50).

He gawks at Gal’s machine, on display at a SCIENCE FAIR among more normal projects like Wind Turbines and Tesla Coils.

It just counts days until summer? Great, you invented a calendar.

Uh no, it doesn’t count. It incubates atmosphere which can multiply exponentially until--

He slaps the ribbon on her machine. She drops her NOTES.

Leave science to the boys, sweetie. It’s more complex than just counting.

Gal STOMPS the ribbon into the ground. She cranks the machine’s DIAL.

“DAYS UNTIL SUMMER” drops from “181” to “0”.

Count this.

THE MACHINE ERUPTS A BEAM OF YELLOW LIGHT.

The beam becomes a WAVE, melting clouds across the continent.

A SKIER zooms down the slope. The wave passes. The snow melts instantly. He rides onto dirt, gets launched out of his skis.

ICE SKATERS pirouette across the frozen pond. The wave passes. The ice melts, dropping everyone into the water below.

Heat haze. SWEATY CUSTOMERS race out of a restaurant (“CURRY FAVOR: Hottest in Town!”) and into an ice cream shop (“SUNDAE SCHOOL”) with a hastily X’d out “CLOSED FOR WINTER” sign.

Gal tosses her parka into the beam, incinerating it. Now in a SUNDRESS, she unfolds a BEACH CHAIR next to a BEACH UMBRELLA and COOLER. She kicks back, soaking up the December sun.

Until a SHADOW falls on her face. She lowers her SUNGLASSES to see SOMEONE floating in the sky.

Do you mind? You’re in my sun.

YUUSKE ”YU” (15) descends. German-Japanese. Buff, if 30 pounds shy of Super. Spiky-haired, no need to ask if he likes *Dragon Ball Z*. His SHIRT and WRINKLED CAPE sport a crude “Ü” SYMBOL.

He brandishes a “SUPERHERO LEARNER’S PERMIT” at Gal.

Without “the midst of winter”, how can we find within ourselves “the invincible summer”?

... Are you quoting someone?

(lowers permit, deflated)

Turn winter back on.

I don’t wanna! I was cold.

The Earth needs winter to function.

I need summer to get a tan. So buzz off to whichever Hero Guild fan-club you came from.

Yu lands fast, making an impact crater. His Ü symbol glows.

If you won’t disarm your machine, I’ll destroy it. *Villain*.

Gal grins when Yu calls her “Villain”.

Why rush? You just got here. *Hero*. Sit back, relax, have an iced tea.

She tosses him a CAN from her cooler. It EXPLODES, encases him in an ICE BLOCK. She smirks. But he FLEXES. The block SHATTERS.

You can’t beat me that easily.

She lifts her umbrella. It transforms into a DOUBLE-SIDED AXE. Engraved on the hilt: “UMBRELLAXE MARK 4”.

Same.

Gal rushes Yu, spinning her axe. He dodges with super speed.

Nice costume. Real Hero Guild material.

He GRABS the axe shaft, CRACKS it over his knee, CATCHES the beheaded blade and aims it like a frisbee at Gal’s machine.

My application is pending.

Pending? Honey, they waitlisted you.

Gal spear-throws the broken shaft. Yu tilts his head to dodge but the sunshade OPENS to COCOON him, trapping him inside.

(muffled)

You throw a lot of shade.

At the machine, Gal rips open a PANEL, reorders WIRES within. Onscreen, “SUMMER” cycles to “BOMB CYCLONE”, “APRIL 25TH”, landing on “SHOCK AND AWE”. STORM CLOUDS gather above.

A Ü-SHAPED BEAM blasts from Yu’s chest, shredding the shade. In a flash, he’s behind Gal. She turns to face him. He raises his fist to the machine. She presses a button behind her back.

LIGHTNING STRIKES YU. His hair stands on end. His eyes go wide.

Locked in mutual gaze with Gal in a moment that lasts forever.

Whoa.

The lightning dissipates. Yu falls flat on his ass.

Gal helps Yu limp into her beach chair.

You should drink something. That was a lot of lightning.

She opens the cooler, grabs a can, almost gives it to him but:

Wait no, this is plutonium.

(grabs another can)

Here, this one’s Coke.

He can’t lift his arms, so she feeds him a sip. She takes a seat on the cooler. They watch the fading skybeam.

Did you have the lightning preset?

Dammit I should have! I had to program it when you were stuck in the umbrella.

Yu clocks the crumpled ribbon on the ground. He looks at her.

You’re amazing.

It was nothing special.

Yes it was. Like, **I’m in pain**. I think this is the first time I’ve ever felt pain. It really hurts.

Yu shakily lifts the ribbon. He fires his Ü-Beam to laser off all text except “LAST PLACE”, which he turns into “1 ST PLACE”.

They didn’t know anything.

He hands the ribbon to her. She blushes.

Are you, uh, fighting anyone?

He doesn’t catch her drift.

I... I was thinking of robbing a bank next week. Would you maybe wanna try to stop me?

He smiles. She smiles back. Above, the skybeam fades...

NEWS CHOPPERS circle a new PINK SKYBEAM.

SUPER: 10 YEARS LATER.

We are live at the weather anomaly. The sun is blotted out and it’s raining... are those glaciers?!

GLACIERS rain down from the clouds. The choppers scatter.

Dodge, Francis! Dodge!

On the ground below, the beam erupts from a familiar MACHINE, now as big as a truck. Its 4K LED MONITOR reads “ICE AGE”.

A chopper veers down. Its CAMERAMAN zooms in on the machine, televising its maker: GAL (25). She wears a fur-trimmed black lab coat, with a big ICE RAY slung over her shoulder.

It’s Gal Gadgeteer! Terrorizing Alektro City with her latest gadget!

Gal fires her ray, encasing the chopper in ice. REPORTER and Cameraman are flung out, still filming in free fall.

Who will avert this arctic apocalypse?!

YU (25) zooms in to catch them. His arms are beefier, his hair’s spikier, and his new super suit sports a refined “Ü”.

It’s Überman!

Yu winks, gently drops them in a snowbank. He floats to Gal.

Didn’t I put you in jail last week?

That old place? It’s falling apart. Thin walls. Flammable guards.

Now you’ve made an ice age. First you’re hot then you’re cold. Ever thought of picking a lane?

This isn’t about theming, this is about global warming! Humanity has left too many carbon footprints on Earth’s carpet.

So you’re gonna buff out the stains with global freezing? Millions of people will freeze!

Millions of people should’ve thought of that before driving so many SUVs.

I can’t let you do this, Gadgeteer.

Just try to stop me, Überman.

They stare each other down. Both fierce. Both enjoying this.

She FIRES her ray. He COUNTERS with his Ü-Beam. The beams COLLIDE. Showering the park in icicles.

Reporter shields Cameraman, filming behind a park bench.

Can Überman triumph over his nefarious foe for the fourth time this month?!

Of course he will.

(covering his mic)

Dude, don’t break character.

It’s the same song and skybeam, man. Gadgeteer plots a doomsday scheme, Überman punches it apart. He puts her in a “secure” jail, she makes an “impossible” escape. Or she puts him in the hospital with “grave” injuries, he makes an “inspiring” recovery. Their shtick hasn’t pulled views in years.

Yu chops the Ice Ray in half. Gal dodges as a GLACIER lands on him. She zips over to the weather machine, where she rips a CARTRIDGE from her wrecked ray, loads it into the chassis.

STORMIER CLOUDS gather above. Yu SHATTERS out of the glacier.

Your new gadget’s a dud, Gadgeteer.

That’s why I prepared an old one.

FIVE LIGHTNING BOLTS STRIKE YU. He crashes down, smoldering.

HAHAHAA! I have defeated the great Überman AGAIN! Now this consumptive world will know only the bitter depth of winter... Yu, are you listening?

Yu isn’t moving. Annoyed, Gal pushes a button on her wrist.

Computer, is he concussed?

A HOLOGRAM MEDICAL CHART shows Yu’s vitals. He’s FLATLINED.

*No vitals detected. Überman is dead.*

Gal stares at Yu’s body, feeling like her heart stopped too.

_**END OF ACT ONE**_

_**ACT TWO**_

Gal tears the machine apart, ripping out cords which she plugs into the damaged ice ray. Above, the skybeam flickers out.

No defibrillator preset. Of course I don’t have a defibrillator preset because I’m a stupid sloppy idiot!

She balances the barrel on her shoulder and flicks two wires together. The ray fires LIGHTNING at Yu.

He bolts up. Dazed but alive.

Did... did I win?

The ray slides off Gal’s shoulder. She doesn’t notice, and doesn’t understand what she just did.

Past the battlefield, Reporter and Cameraman watch in shock.

Did you get all that?

Cameraman nods, still filming.

We’re gonna win a Pulitzer.

NEWS MONTAGE:

A NEWSCASTER reviews Cameraman’s footage of Gal reviving Yu.

You saw it here first, folks! Gadgeteer smoked Überman, then saved him! Just what kind of villain is she?

Onscreen, Gal summons a PORTAL and jumps in, fleeing the scene.

A panel of ALL MALE EXPERTS reviews the footage.

See her confusion here? Like she doesn’t know what she’s done? Überman must have installed a chip in her brain, to make her revive him in the event of his death.

No, she did it freely. She has clearly developed a psychosexual codependency with her nemesis.

You’re both nuts. Obviously, this was the work of koalas. Sentient, socialist koalas.

A TIKTOK DANCER sings and shimmies, superimposed over a handsome headshot of Überman.

(to the tune of ‘Womanizer’ by Britney Spears)

Villainizer, villain-villainizer, you’re a villainizer, oh, villainizer--

A MALE STREAMER (20s), pontificates on his livestream. He wears a shirt with the logo: CANCEL THE MATRIARCHY.

See? Yet another *strong female villain* who secretly wants a male hero to complete her! Feminism is a con! Gadgeteer is a liar liar pants on--

His background EXPLODES. Gal marches in shooting her GIANT RAYGUN, lighting Streamer’s pants on fire.

You should use a VPN, asshole.

AHHHHHH!

END NEWS MONTAGE.

In a dive bar for supervillains, MISS DEMEANOR (30) and MISTER E (30) sip GREEN GLOWING DRINKS, watching Gal terrorize Male Streamer on TV.

Gal gadge*steered* herself off a cliff.

I always thought she was a phony.

In a nearby booth, a hooded Gal overhears them. She pulls her hood tighter over her head.

Gal’s robot best friend, FRANDROID (25), sits across from her, sipping a motor oil cocktail. Fran is an android (obvi) with metal skin and curly hair (phone cords).

It’s not that bad.

I’m the talk of the town.

For now. Tomorrow some radioactive duck will bite the Mayor and give him superpowers. Then that’ll be the fresh gossip.

(hushed)

I’ve already irradiated the duck.

Gal smiles. BARNARD BARIC (50s), the owner, comes to the booth.

Beat it, Gal.

She’s not doing anything, Barnard.

Can it, Fran. Gal screwed a hero.

She didn’t screw a hero. She saved a professional relationship. A decent nemesis is hard to come by!

I think she comes by her nemesis a lil too hard, if you ask me!

Mister E drunkenly high-fives Miss Demeanor, so hard he swings and slaps the VILLAIN sitting next to him, starting a fight.

Whatever Gal is doing with Überman, we don’t want any part of it. This is a respectable establishment.

Behind Barnard, Mister E shoots his opponent, vaporizing him.

Gal and Fran wander amidst VILLAINOUS PEDESTRIANS. They pass evil businesses like “CROOKED FRAMES (Evil, Not Askew!)” and “CRIMINAL IN TENT: CAMPING SUPPLIES”.

Screw Bar-Baric. Let’s hit up the Diabolic Alcoholic instead.

They’ll refuse me too.

They pass an electronics shop, TELEVICIOUS. On a WINDOW TV, there’s a mugshot of Überman. The headline: ALEKTRO CITY DISTRICT ATTORNEY TERMINATES ÜBERMAN’S SUPERHERO LICENSE.

Ha! Spandex is on the other leg now, Übe! How do you like that, Gal? Gal?

Fran turns to Gal, sees that she’s crying.

Oh shit.

Fran grabs Gal’s arm, accessing her HOLOGRAPHIC WRIST COMPUTER. She cycles thru menu items like “EMP” and “PEDOMETER” until she lands on “EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION SHIELD”.

The air around Gal and Fran SHIMMERS. They disappear, replaced by identical avatars: AVATAR GAL and AVATAR FRAN. They point and laugh at the TV.

Villainous Pedestrians give them a wide berth. Inside the shimmering illusion, the real Fran comforts the real Gal.

I didn’t mean to save him! I messed up and he just... wasn’t supposed to die. I don’t know how I botched the math!

Lightning bolt voltage is tricky. It’s a lot of gigawatts to track.

Fran’s eyes dart left and right guiltily. It’s suspicious, but Gal doesn’t notice.

Besides, you’re allowed to save a decent nemesis once or twice.

I saved him but I destroyed him.

Maybe you can pretend that was your plan all along?

Gal stops crying.

That’s not a bad idea.

Gal disentangles from Fran, wipes her nose.

Gal, I’ve been your best friend since the day you made me. It’s because I’m built to love you that I’m going to tell you--

CLOSE-UP: STUNAMI (27) looking as buff as his hair is blue, with swim goggles permanently holstered on his forehead.

--You need to fight other people.

Yu lifts a BARBELL into frame. Stunami spots for it.

Stunami, can we talk after my set?

No. You have to start multitasking. Like by fighting other people.

Open wide on PUMPING IRON MAN, superhero gym. Yu’s barbell weights are SHIPPING CONTAINERS. SPEEDERS run at Mach 5 on TREADMILLS. FLYERS zoom thru an OBSTACLE COURSE. A motivational poster reads “YOU CAN FLY? COOL! YOU STILL CAN’T SKIP LEG DAY.”

I fight tons of other people. Remember when I fought Professor Nefarious?

Yuuske, that was four years ago.

No, it was three.

How many times has the Hero Guild rejected your application? They know your only steady foe is some easy mad scientist who doesn’t challenge you.

Gal challenges me. She killed me!

Accidentally! And instantly revived you! You’ll never get in the Guild with a safety net like that. Hero license or no hero license.

Yu holsters the barbell.

If you thought it was so weird--

--Why didn’t you say anything sooner?

I didn’t wanna be judge-y, in case you guys were a thing.

WE ARE NOT A THING. I HATE HIM PLATONICALLY.

Okay! But come on, Gal. Nothing ever happened? Not even that time in Kyoto?

A *hanami* festival in Maruyama Park. CIVILIANS flee something BIG. Gal and Yu ignore the chaos, wearing YUKATAS. They stand close, intimately, framed by falling CHERRY BLOSSOMS.

Gal shakes off the memory.

Nothing happened in Kyoto.

Okay, I believe you. Everyone else will too, *if* you put yourself out there. *If* you get a rogues gallery.

What’s a rogues gallery?

Yu does upside-down sit-ups, cabled to a WATER TRUCK below. Stunami spots him, floating inside the top of a WATERSPOUT.

Your adversaries. Plural. Great heroes don’t fight one villain, they fight plenty.

Do you have a rogues gallery?

Yep. Mine’s got Big Kahuna, we throw typhoons at each other. Glam Shell, he tries to out-dress me. Sue Nami, we got a copyright dispute going. Then there’s Humpback Dale. Solomonsoon. Loan Shark. Clone Shark. Gorefish. Scorefish. Scatfish. Swordfish--

Okay I get it. So of the... rogues, in your gallery, which one is your nemesis?

You know, ever since I took down Adolphin Hitler--

A FLYING HERO swings by to high-five Stunami. Yu blushes, a bit jealous of Stu’s popularity.

--I haven’t really had a nemesis. Why should I limit myself to just one foe? When you get your hero license back, why should you?

You’re more villain than one hero can handle.

I am. But where would I find one?

I’ve already got a guy picked out. He’s fire. You could even kill him for real!

I have wanted to try that.

SPLIT SCREEN: Fran and Stu. They hopefully say:

SPLIT SCREEN: Gal and Yu. They reluctantly say:

_**END OF ACT TWO**_

_**ACT THREE**_

Calm. Then the door EXPLODES. CIVILIANS cower. Gal swoops in.

I’d like to open an account.

THE MANAGER opens the VAULT, holding mounds of CASH. He offers Gal CLOTH SACKS with $$$ on them.

Carrying too many sacks, Gal strikes a villainous pose.

It’s a pleasure taking business from you.

(holds pose, waits...)

I said, it’s a pleasure taking business from you!

(turns to Manager)

This bank is Flameboyant’s turf, right?

The Manager nods. Gal drops the pose, arms tired.

Where is he?

I dunno. Maybe you’re not his type.

Gal stumbles outside. PEDESTRIANS ignore her. She frowns. High in the sky, Yu observes her. He starts towards her... but stops.

No. Fight other people. Other people.

He soars higher to view all of the city. Its clogged streets and bustling parks. FLYING HEROES and VILLAINS dueling above skyscrapers. A 200-FT TALL KAIJU stomping down Broadway.

Yu zeros in on ALEKTRO CITY BANK (EAST BRANCH) swarmed by POLICE. The building has many STAR-SHAPED HOLES. A SWAT TEAM arrives, lead by CAPTAIN, chomping a CIGAR. A COP salutes him.

Captain, the kaiju has reached midtown.

Let Midtown PD handle it! We have our hands full here--

Captain trips over SOMETHING. He looks down to see it: A DREIDEL, still spinning. The cigar falls from his lips.

OH DREIDEL DREIDEL DREIDEL!

They take cover. The dreidel EXPLODES. A NEGOTIATOR hides under a police tent. His RADIO crackles with an incoming call.

Did you like my little dreidel? I made it out of claymores.

Captain limps into the tent. Shrugs an apology at Negotiator.

I’m sorry SWAT showed up. It’s just standard procedure, Rabbi Darkstein.

RABBI DARKSTEIN (29) strolls past cowering HOSTAGES. He wears a Hasidic suit, a *HAMSA *necklace, a *chasidko* hat and tallis. On his shoulder rests a BIG CANNON, covered in HEBREW RUNES.

Did you know that tonight is Shabbat? If I follow standard procedure, I’d invite you inside, break out a challah, pour us red wine and... light some candles.

He fires his cannon, making another Star of David-shaped hole in the wall. Framed by the hole, he strikes a villainous pose.

Okay I’m sorry I have to ask. Isn’t this a horrible look for Jews?

... What do you mean?

Jews have been unjustly vilified for all history. Yet you’re a *very* Jewish supervillain robbing a bank. Aren’t you validating an antisemitic stereotype?

INTERCUT DARKSTEIN/NEGOTIATOR

No. Antisemites say Jews control all banks. If that’s true, why’d I rob one?

Negotiator blinks. That’s a good point.

There’s hundreds of villains in town. What’s wrong with a very Jewish one?

I suppose that’s true--

Your concern belies your own bias. You feel Jews aren’t *allowed* to be villains.

Whoa no! I just think you could set a better example for your people.

Yeah, I got your model minority right *here* you son of a--

He blows more holes in the roof. Negotiator lowers his radio.

I don’t know how to handle him without getting us all killed or cancelled.

Perhaps I can be of assistance.

Yu floats in, posing heroically. Captain turns to Negotiator.

He’s perfect. He already has been killed and cancelled.

On a TV screen, Yu floats out from the police tent.

Überman is back! Can he can stop Rabbi Darkstein before the ADL get involved?

FLAMEBOYANT (25) watches TV in pajamas, eating CEREAL. His FLAMING HAIR billows serenely. A wall EXPLODES. He jumps in surprise, tosses his cereal, dousing his hair. Gal stomps in.

Hey! Hero! I robbed a bank on your turf!

Oh. Did you want me to stop you?

Yes! Duh! Do your flameboyant powers only work against men or something?

No, I fight women too. I just have to act flamboyant to activate my powers. I gotta speak in falsetto, sibilant my consonants, criticize your shoes.

(his hair reignites)

See?

What’s wrong with my shoes--I mean why didn’t you stop me robbing the bank?

I figured Überman would stop you. You two seem... exclusive.

Gal fires another shot, destroying the kitchen.

WE ARE NOT EXCLUSIVE.

Okay. So do you wanna fight now or--

YES.

Let me get dressed.

He exits to his bedroom. She calms. Her gaze catches the TV. NEWS CHIRON: ÜBERMAN BATTLES JEWISH SUPERVILLAIN (NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT, KANYE)

Gal looks crushed.

Yu lands near SCARED MALE HOSTAGES, emptying the vault.

Don’t do anything dumb! He’ll circumcise any man who stands in his way!

Don’t worry. I’ll get you out of here.

Wait, didn’t you lose your hero license?

I can get it back if I do community service. Which this counts as.

But that’s redundant. Your penalty for reckless hero-ing is more hero-ing?

What a two-tiered justice system!

All good points. You should write the District Attorney after your rescue.

Wow. They really sent a German Übermensch in to deal with me.

Darkstein ambles in. The male hostages cower.

Half-German. My father was Japanese.

Yet you base your *su*persona on your German half? The Nazis wouldn’t see anything Über about you.

The Nazis appropriated Nietzsche’s concept of the Übermensch. Nietzsche himself said antisemites should be shot.

Huh. That’s not a bad idea.

He FIRES his cannon. Yu dodges, practically teleporting.

How about we let the hostages go, and you check into prison before sunset?

I say these next shots are heatseeking.

He rotates the barrel, fires LASER STARS OF DAVID. Yu dodges but one grazes him, burns his costume. He bolts into the sky.

In the sky beyond the destroyed wall, we can see Yu outflying the Stars. Flameboyant enters, zipping up his boots.

Gadgeteer? I’m ready when you--

He falls into a PORTAL in the middle of the floor.

--ARRRRRRREEE!

He falls out of the ceiling, shoots FIRE from his hands to land softly. He stands before a SMELTING PIT. THREE CAGES hang over it, covered by CURTAINS. Gal stands on a higher platform.

Choice o’clock, Flameboyant! Before you are three cages.

I rescue one and the other two drop?

Natch! Inside Cage One is a selection of children from a local orphanage.

CAGE 1 CURTAIN falls, revealing scared ORPHANS.

Save us, Flameboyant! I just got my GED!

I didn’t, but I still deserve to live!

You think so, Flamebo? Because inside Cage Two is your boyfriend, RYAN!

CAGE 2 reveals RYAN (25) tied and gagged. Flamebo eye-rolls.

But wait, there’s more! Inside Cage Three is your beloved dog, Kindling!

CAGE 3 reveals KINDLING (15), old Dalmatian, snoring wheezily.

Only one cage can survive the fire you hold so dear! Now choose!

I choose orphans.

Flamebo is already at Cage 1, absorbing the flame below.

But... you didn’t agonize over it. At all. What about your boyfriend?

I dumped Ryan last month. He cheated on me with my sidekick, Ice Princess.

(wriggling out of his gag)

That’s what I was trying to tell you on the ride over here!

Ah. But what about your dog?

I’ll always love Kindling, but he’s fifteen and has like six tumors. I think he may’ve died during your spiel.

Kindling has gone notably quiet in Cage 3.

Well, fine! Have it your way!

(hovers over detonator, sighs, drops it)

I’m not into this if you’re not into this.

You sure? You can still drop Ryan. I’ll even try to rescue him in vain.

Nice.

Don’t patronize me.

Sorry.

No it’s my bad. It’s hard to torture someone before you get to know them.

Gal pulls out a POWER DRILL and a MICROCHIP, the latter taped to a POST-IT NOTE, labelled “Plan B”.

Let’s try Plan B instead.

The Stars chase Yu like a weaponized Paramount Pictures logo. He looks back, seeing thru their hollow hexagon center. He REVERSES and DARTS thru safely. They slow to follow, collide and EXPLODE.

Yu lands next to Darkstein and CHOPS the cannon in half.

Now, let’s get you to prison. I hear they’ve improved the kosher menu.

Darkstein puts his hands palm-face out, forming a HAMSA.

A BLUE BEAM OF ENERGY BURSTS FROM HIS HANDS.

WHAT?!

Yu quickly counters with his Ü-Beam, creating a BEAM-O-WAR.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Behold, my Hamsa-Beam!

HAMSA-BEAM?! THAT’S NOT A THING JEWS CAN DO, IS IT?

Don’t tell me what I can’t do!

Darkstein wiggles his thumbs, which somehow makes his beam DOUBLE IN SIZE.

IT BLOWS THE Ü-BEAM APART, PINS YU TO THE WALL.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

You’re about to die for the second time this week!

_**END OF ACT THREE**_

_**ACT FOUR**_

Yu is still pinned. The Kamehame*hamsa* shreds his costume.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!

My Hamsa-beam will break your skin any minute now! Any last words?

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH-HARDER!

Darkstein pulls his hands apart, stopping the beam.

What?

What?

What did you say?

I didn’t say anything.

Yes you did.

I was screaming gibberish.

You screamed “harder”. I wasn’t killing you to get you off, alright?

I didn’t think you were.

Darkstein shudders, then aims his hands at Yu.

I will resume killing you now.

Go ahead.

Darkstein’s hands glow... but then he lowers them.

I’m not into this if you’re too into this.

I’m not into this!

How in denial are you?

You’re the one who pulled out the kinky torture beam!

The hamsa isn’t kinky! It’s holy!

Whatever it is, you started it.

No you started it! I was just trying to do crime and you made it weird!

Darkstein twists his top SHIRT BUTTON. A JETPACK spouts from his back. It has 9 rockets, shaped like a flipped menorah.

You’re leaving? What about the money?

Screw the money. I only staged this heist to prove myself against a hero. But all I got was you. You are no hero. You’re just a sick twisted freak.

Darkstein jetpacks away. Yu’s head sinks in shame.

ON THE TV: News footage of Darkstein flying away.

Despite Überman’s recent controversy, the mayor commends him for ending this crisis with no casualties.

Reflected in the TV screen, Stunami raises a BEER.

NO. CASUALTIES.

Stu and Yu clink beers at the bar of SUPE’S ON, a superhero pub. A background sign reads “NO CAPE, NO SERVICE.”

You saved the day AND got a new rogue for your gallery! How did you do it? Convince Darkstein to flee the scene?

I... showed him who he truly is. He’s a man who thought he was good, but is actually just a sick twisted freak.

Wow... You broke him! Just don’t redeem the next foe so fast. You want recurring villains, not one fight stands.

Yeah.

Hang tight while I launch a torpedo.

Stunami exits to the bathroom, patting his stomach.

Breaking news! We welcome Flameboyant to the studio.

On-screen, Flameboyant takes a seat with Newscaster.

Thanks Bob. I’m here to announce my support for the reinstatement of Überman’s hero license.

Really? Why would you throw your weight behind a known villainizer?

Because Gadgeteer didn’t save Überman. I did.

Yu leans in. The bar quiets as others take notice.

You see, Bob. I too am an adversary of Gadgeteer. We’ve been fighting casually for a while now.

Yu clutches his beer so hard it SHATTERS. He looks at the shards, surprised at himself.

Gadgeteer is as formidable as her shoes are fashionable. So I installed a mind control chip in her brain, to make her revive me in the event of my death.

That was very specific of you.

X-RAY INSERT: Behind Flamebo’s right ear, embedded in his cerebellum, is Gal’s “PLAN B” chip. A SIGNAL emits from it.

Yet not specific enough! The chip activated when Überman died, not me!

The signal radiates out of the news building, flies miles across town, passing thru the wall of a mundane warehouse.

The signal shines thru a LAB of steaming beakers. By an ARMORY of laser guns. Past a TROPHY WALL, which includes an early SCHEMATIC of Frandroid, a YUKATA, and a familiar BLUE RIBBON.

That’s why Gadgeteer revived Überman, not because of any salacious relationship on their part.

The signal reaches a SATELLITE DISH, sticking out of a CONTROL CONSOLE made of SCREENS, DIALS, and infinite BLINKING LIGHTS. On the largest screen: Alektro City News.

Sorry I saved your life, Übe! Now--

Gal leans forward, speaking into the TRANSMITTER.

--Let’s get your license back!

Newscaster is skeptical. Gal turns to Frandroid, by her side.

Will anyone buy this?

Let’s check.

Gal and Fran cautiously enter. Every TV in the bar is replaying Flameboyant’s interview. EVERYONE is watching.

(on-screen)

Sorry I saved your life, Ube! Now let’s get your license back!

The door shuts behind Gal, loudly. EVERYONE turns to face her.

We’re sorry!

Everyone rushes Gal, led by Mister E and Miss Demeanor.

Gal, you should’ve said something!

We would’ve understood if you told us you were brainwashed.

(points at Mister E)

I brainwash him all the time.

Exactly! Wait, what?

Gal zones out, basking in everyone’s praise.

Fran sits in a booth sipping a motor oil cocktail, watching Gal hold court at the bar with a crowd of villainous peers.

I had felt the lump--the chip--in my head, but until I revived Überman I thought it was just a tumor!

The crowd laughs. Fran smiles. Her arm BUZZES and projects TEXT: “Call: FISHBOY.” She checks no one’s watching, answers.

I’m not on call right now.

I don’t have eyes on Yuuske.

Stunami frantically scans the room while holding his PHONE, which is shaped like a CONCH SHELL.

I was in the john, now he’s not here.

Is he drunk enough to be stupid?

He did say some dark stuff earlier I didn’t get. How’s Gadgeteer?

Fran checks Gal, who is drinking with a Xenomorph-like ALIEN.

(inhuman growl)

I know a Martian paladin who just landed to save you all from my alien horde. I can set you two up.

Sexy Martian or Bug Martian?

She’s living it up. A picture of--

The air around Gal SHIMMERS.

FRAN’S POV: Gal and Alien do shots. Text flashes: FILTERING EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION SHIELD. Gal fades, revealed as an avatar.

Fran sees REAL GAL moping at the bar, slumped over a beer, ignoring everyone as she scrolls thru her IPHONE.

Oh no. She’s on her iPhone. She never uses her iPhone, it’s not her brand.

(at Gal, sotto)

You are Gal Gadgeteer! Not Gal phone user!

Real Gal scrolls thru PHOTOS of battles with Yu. Happy times. She lingers on a photo with cherry blossoms. Kyoto.

Fine. This is fine. She just needs time to mope. Überman’s probably doing the same somewhere far away.

Fran checks the window. YU IS RIGHT THERE, LOOKING IN.

He’s right outside, isn’t he?

INTERCUT FRANDROID/STUNAMI

Fran sinks out of sight. She rocks back and forth, panicking.

They’re gonna talk. They’re gonna talk and realize we broke them up.

Stunami covers his shell-phone with his hands.

We? You’re the one who hacked her weather machine.

You’re the one who told me the voltage it takes to stop his heart!

At the bar, Gal starts typing a TEXT, addressed to “Yu”.

She’s texting him! The separation isn’t holding! We need her to kill him again!

Can that not be our move, every time we need to engineer a confrontation with their codependency?

She can revive him again!

If he dies too often, it gets stale!

Yu floats towards the entrance.

He’s going for the door!

Fran, forget about our cover. You have to stop him.

How?!

Gal finishes her text: “Flameboyant didn’t save you. I did.”

Think of something! He can’t approach her with this many witnesses! They’ll be front page news all over again and we’ll never get them back off!

INTERCUT YU/GAL

Yu’s hand reaches for the DOORKNOB.

Gal’s thumb hovers over “SEND”.

Yu stops. He looks back thru the window, at Avatar Gal, happy and accepted by her peers.

Silently, he decides to let her be.

Gal deletes the text. She pinches her eyes, trying not to cry.

Yu sniffs, then soars away.

Fran sinks into the booth in relief.

What’s going on?!

We’re fine. For now.

They just need time. We’ll keep helping them fight other people. They’ll get over it. Eventually.

Yeah.

(hangs up phone)

I need to recharge.

Gal downs a shot and merges with her avatar, trying to be happy.

Yu floats high above the street, dwarfed by a DIGITAL BILLBOARD, stating: DISTRICT ATTORNEY CONSIDERS REINSTATING ÜBERMAN’S HERO LICENSE.

SPLIT SCREEN: On the right, Yu bathes in the glow of the billboard. On the left, Gal parties with her peers. Yet their gazes drift, slowly, towards each other.

_**END OF PILOT**_